Dumb Commercials Vol.1

he more we watch tv (and increasingly the internet) the more we are subjected to dumb commercials. This is i agree, inevitable as ad revenue "allows" shows to be on the air and for us to get our entertainment fixes. Is it however too much to ask for commercials that are engaging or that warrant our 30 seconds of our mindspace?

Recent commercials that have either annoyed me, insulted my intelligence or just straight pissed me off are the following. Expect this to become a regular fixture here in the Free City.

Captain Morgan's Ad: You've seen this one, two sloshed wastes of air go into a pizza joint and order a pizza for delivery then proceed to passenger the delivery guy's vehicle. They get home, slam the door in the face of the gentleman who gave them a ride. The delivery is then forced to ring the doorbell to have one of the idiot pair snatch the pizza so he can be on the way. Thereafter we see these two crown princes of intelligence strike the cap'n morgan pose while a voice over (possibly another drunk) tells us to drink responsibly. Can anyone please tell me how spending your last cent on pizza instead of a taxi, accosting a delivery person to give you a ride and then forgetting about your pizza once you arrive home is responsible? Shouldn't you perhaps have laid off the rum just a little bit to ensure you safely got home without putting a nighttime delivery person in possible danger? How about even having enough to tip the poor sap who drove you home? How does anything in this commercial constitute responsible consummation of an alcoholic beverage? What you didn't drink and drive? Congratulations, here is a Nobel Peace Prize. If i was that driver I would have taken a bottle of the captain's rum and levelled it into the face of these two yahoos, then finished the commercial by eating a slice of their pizza and saying "next time stop drinking when you've reached your limit jackass."

Futureshop: Any commercials from this enterprise are sure to make you put hot sauce down your pants but there are three that really stand out for sheer buffoonery and borderline criminal behaviour (if not just outright illegal behaviour).

1. Futureshop guy comes to a nice white family's front yard (private property mind you) and proceeds to tell the patriarch that he's getting a new TV! This is fine until one you realize there is snow on the ground so we are near Christmas and two when the wife, after the husbands expresses confusion about a TV he never purchased, awkwardly mumbles "surprise." First why would you come to someones house as a futureshop employee without their prior permission? Isn't this trespass? Does Futureshop condone the harassment of its clientele by having employees stalk customers who've made large purchases? Does the behaviour of the employee make you want to shop at futureshop ever again, especially seeing as how they just sucked the joy right out of your Christmas and robbed you of a nice, thoughtful surprise by your wife? How do you de-traumatize the kids who have just been accosted by some high on red bull futureshop peon? This commercial is bad but...

2. Some other peon weaves a tale of a student who just bought a laptop, then proceeds to go to the students dorm (wherever it may be) opens the door and finds him sleeping? This is just damn creepy. I bought a laptop from you. Your chain served its purpose, we exchanged money, i don't ever want to see you again unless my warranty says i have to. This does not mean rumble over to my dorm and enter into my residence. This does not give you permission to open my room door and spy on me sleeping in my underwear. What is it about futureshop and this consuming need to interact with customers outside of the business? Are the peons that lonely? Not enough facebook friends? I don't get it but the next one I don't get even more...

3. This guy comes on (I first heard this on the radio) and proceeds to list the symptoms of a PC that has crashed and the experience of one who has just lost everything they keep on their computer. They tell you they have a solution! You will be able to retrieve all that information and pictures of the family you thought had been extinguished to the recesses of the BSOD. They are just about to give you the pertinent information when THE COMMERCIAL IS INTERRUPTED TO SHOW YOU SALES THAT ARE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW AT FUTURE SHOP! What The Hell! How in the whole wide world does this make me want to do business with futureshop? You just helped me experience the worst come-down since that tylenol incident a few years ago and now you want me to give you money? you want me to buy a cd, a tv and hell even a new computer? Damnnit i want MY COMPUTER! I'm going nuts trying to get back pictures of my kid from the last family vacation and see if i can somehow find my budget i saved on my computer and you want me to be a patron of your store? What coked out executive gave the greenlight to any of these above ads?

WALMART (cue booing)

There are these series of ads of people staring hypnotically at their wal-mart bill while all manner of wal-mart peons follow them through their day saying "it's true." This ad is supposed to show that even you will be amazed at how much you can save at wal-mart (provided you have the heart to look past their union-busting, cheap products made by impoverished children, their habit of destroying small towns). What bothers me about this is that these employees stalk you everywhere you go, they even come to your house in the middle of the night. Not only that but they do so cheerfully! Why are they so happy to commit harassment? Is this a greater statement about the insidious and often over reaching grasp of wal-mart? should we be concerned that their employees are now making it their job to inflict their presence on us at every hour? Like futureshop, does wal-mart condone the practice of its peon staff shadowing their clientele with big shit-eating grins saying "it's true?" i'm not sure, but i sure am glad i don't shop there.

TRIMARK Investments - Gretzky and Richard

I saw this last night and I was horrified. As any hockey loving person i was horrified. As a fan of the Rocket and his importance to hockey I was horrified. The commercials starts with the Rocket skating deftly around the ice, controlling the puck only as he could, in black and white. Then out of nowhere comes a young wayne gretzky(also in black and white) takes a pass from Richard and they both go on playing some hockey and at the end skate together while the Trimark logo comes on the screen and some voice says something along the lines of "bringing great together." First question: Who had the balls to make this ad? Second Question: Who had the balls to greenlight this ad and think this is a good thing? Now i must stress I'm not surprised that gretzky, the great lip-service Canadian whore, participated in this atrocity. That man would sell his image to melamine laced milk as long as he got paid. It's the person who let them use the Rocket's image who I have a problem with. What right do they have to say Richard would have done a commercial with gretzky, let alone some investment firm? How did an icon's image become appropriated for non hockey profit and when did this become a reasonable idea? The Rocket, was a patriot. By patriot, I mean he had a passion for his people and country and played hockey for his people and his country. By his people and his country I mean the french people and the french nation, or the Québec nation. He was someone who was always true to his country (within a united Canada of course right stephen?). He made it in the anglo dominated world of hockey, an anglo dominated country and is one of the best to ever skate the ice. He was Qubécois, they even rioted for him. He was by all accounts, a man of steadfast principle, who played hockey because he loved it, not because it loved him. The "great one' on the other hand has been nothing more than someone who played the game because it loved him back. He was a phenomenal player and talent and changed hockey more than anyone since bobby orr, but he was a lip-service Canadian who whored hockey to the states and his image to the highest bidder. In that commercial there might be two legends, but there is only one man. Whoever thought of this ad, more specifically whoever sold out Richard to Trimark should be beaten with a hockey stick and I believe that the nation of Québec (within a united Canada) now has just cause to be a sovereign nation (without a united Canada). Montréal - get out your riot clothes...PLEASE!

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

"This has been an angry 'letter to the editor' found in the Free City.

Sports, mostly football

ow long until the league just turns away from T.O?

As Chris Collinsworth said last night, 1/3 of Dallas' offense revolved around T.O. and yet he is still upset! Last week during the Cowboys-Packers game, around the beginning, Romo threw a pass to T.O. that he missed and the camera caught them both glancing at each other. Owens' glance was quite pissy and Romo was looking at him like "I'm the quarterback, keep jawing at me and you are going to get more passes like that."

Everywhere that Owens has played in the NFL, he has thrown his quarterback to the wolves, derided his teams and his coaches all while sincerely believing that in order to win a championship, teams need him.

Yet teams do fine with him or without him. He becomes so cancerous, he requires aggressive removal wherever he goes. Why can't this guy stay happy? What is it about his ego that cannot let him work with others as a team player for extended periods? he good news in all of this is that Dallas has the Owens factor which in most cases works against a team and if Dallas doesn't get to the Superbowl this year, the team will implode with Owens standing by himself waving at his teammates as the bus he's driving runs right over them. This is good because it helps my Eagles so I don't feel bad about this at all.

How long can the Eagles rely on corners and safties that can't cover high school receivers? Really, having Kyle Orton throw three touchdowns on your team is enough to warrant a week of brutal passes. Orton isn't someone who should be leading a CFL team let alone the Chicago Bears.

That being said, Donovan didn't play well, shoulder must be hurt. I'm not making excuses but he didn't look right. The Bears D did look solid however. Monsters. The best part of watching my team lost was watching the defense it lost to. John Madden was rambling away last night on how the Eagles D shows different looks, showing blitz then dropping into coverage. Madden didn't mention how the bears perfected this last night. The Bears' linebackers would line up, threaten blitz, stay in their position then quickly drop back into coverage.

That's part of the poetry of football. The looks. The movements. Being a statue, staying still until the ball snaps and then executing the play.

Last thought on the Eagles game. Westbrook is out, so you decide to use your backup runningback 3 times to get a touchdown at the goal line? Has Andy Reid been taking some of his son's heroin? Not one play for Mcnabb to throw or option-run 2yards for the endzone? Awful.

Say what I will about Brett Favre, he can still throw the ball. No one has a cannon arm like he does. 6 touchdowns?!? Don't worry, at some point the Madden curse will strike...

In hockey news, Pogge needs much more time at least in order to get some patience and learn how to play at the NHL level. At least Toskala can bridge that timeframe. Ron Wilson got upset at the media for asking about the pre-season losses. I agree with him saying that he doesn't care about pre-season results and his using the exhibition games to test younger players. He did however take a head coaching job with the Leafs. Shouldn't he expect the same questions and over zealous media to hound him during practice let alone exhibition games and regular season. I bet he hits a reporter by December.

Mets collapse again, cheering for the cubbies.

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

"this has been a sports report from the Free City."

The Experiment

I was thinking last week about doing something a bit different on the blog. Was thinking how listening to music, some lines jump out at you and begin throttling your imagination. Thought that perhaps a way of dealing with this would be to take such a line and expand on the idea, however it made your thoughts and blood flow at at a given point. Then version 2.0 suggested much the same so that confirmed the validity of the idea and I decided i might as well experiment.

"Yo, it kinda made me think of way back when,

I was the portrait of an artist as a young man." (Talib Kweli)

Given to remember

How I used to scribe everything on crumpled paper

That fit it my pocket,

whose words sought no profit

Yet, whatever was said and scribbled in the flashes of youth

Swirled across the sky at sunset as evening brought truth

Once, I once thought of my place in the world

Beside

That ginger haired girl

We would take the air we breathed and cup it in our hands

Made a wish; blew it out, over across the land

I stood beside her gazing across

A mutual horizon spinning our thoughts

Art is nothing more than the ache in my heart

Art is nothing more than playing our part

If love is to save all who come and move within our sphere

Then our art shall have nothing to fear

You will paint the stress and the peace of a mind ravaged

I shall create a story of a time that is savage

Then once upon sometime not too far from now

We will say we loved, we made art and knew how

peacelovefreedomejustice

-s

"this has been an experiment from the Free City."

For The Waljee's (and anyone else)

Hey guys,

Glad to see you back on the grid and glad to see everything is settling down and you're settling in. It was good to talk to you on Sunday.

I've decided that as punishment for you abandonment of us citizens in the Free City, I'm going to start doing posts where I make you miss Toronto as much as i can...

i know i'm mean, but do you expect any less of me? vengeance is mine.

Last week, I was driving on O'connor, windows down. The air has become cooler at night, it was about 8 p.m., the sky was getting dark. Just driving and thinking about the past year, cool autumn air touching my cheek. Then that smell. You know the one. It lingers all across O'connor drive until just past woodbine. The smell that makes everything ok, that makes everything seem like it will fall into place, that you are home, that has been a part of my city for as long as i can remember. The smell of Peak Freans cookies. How when you catch that scent, even a hint of it, the warm, warm sugar dancing in the night air, you are home and how it makes you feel that cookies are the solutions to all of life's offerings, good and bad.

how much do you miss home now?

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

"this has been a memory found in the Free City."

i like sports, therefore i write about sports sometimes...so hooray

Watched some of the leaf pre-season last night and here are some thoughts. Joseph looked soft and over commited a couple of times and let in a soft goal. Looks like he's nervous to be back in T.O. (given how he left years ago i don't blame him).

Dominic Moore looked great. He plays hard and has a nice shot. His first goal was nothing short of sniperiffic.

Luke Schen played well for the minutes he got. He probably won't crack the roster (please let him develop) but he seems like a player in the same mold as Dion Phaneuf...a shutdown defenceman who can beat you from the point in the offensive zone. I'm excited.

The leafs almost blew the game late, are still showing the aggravating penchant for taking stupid penalties and their late game defence is quite quite suspect.

I hope Carlo stays healthier for a period longer than it takes me to write this sentence. At this point doesn't the universe perhaps owe him a break or at the least maybe it might want to look away and give this guy just one healthy pro season? It's like it has come to the point that whenever he laces his skates the city is holding its collective breath and muttering a prayer for him. If he's healthy he easily becomes a top3 defencemen on this team.

At 1st intermission, Darren Millard and Bill Watters were interviewing Cliff Fletcher just beside the rink. This interview has me convinced about two thngs:

1. Cliff Fletcher is lying about Mats Sundin. He knows what Sundin is going to do.
2. Bill Watters has confirmed my suspicions that he is a bona fide asshole and grade A dick.

On the first point, I came to this conclusion as Darren Millard asked Fletcher (for what must seem to Cliff like the 56546762th time) about his knowledge of Mats Sundin's plans. If you can somehow see this interview somewhere in the corridors of the internet watch this. Cliff was sitting with his legs apart, casually. Immediately after being asked, he closed his legs together and tightened his grip on the mic. His free hand, as he was answering the question, was fidgety with his index fingermaking small strokes on his thumb. His body language to me suggested that he is hiding something. My specualtion is that Mats has decided to train in Sweden without the camera's harrassing him and has told Cliff he will be ready but does not want to play in meaningless exhibition games. I think Mats is coming back by either the first game against Detroit or by the first HNIC against Montréal. If this is the case, good for Mats. No sense risking injury in games that don't count and you can evaluate the talent from Stockholm before you come over and see if it is worth your while. Keep your body for games that net points not games made for shareholder and concession profit.

The second point was confirmed to me during this whole questioning. Cliff, part way through answering, began to cough and looked really cold sitting so close to the rink, away from the nice cozy heated GM box. Don't forget that the Silver Fox is 73 years old and has been spending the bulk of time over the last few years in Florida. He's old and that kind of temperature at ice level can't be doing him favours. So as he's coughing, trying his level best not to look like a poor old man, Bill Watters decides to keep throwing questions at him. Cliff coughs some more and starts looking more and more physically uncomfortable. I felt really bad for Cliff. He's practically dying and Bill Watters is there sitting all serious like he's a real journalist posing tough but necessary questions. Thankfully Darren Millard noticed Cliff wasn't doing well, made quick eye contact with the segment cameraman and when Bill decided to ask ANOTHER questions, Millard quickly cut him off and said they ran out of time and had to go. Kudos to Millard for giving someone who needed stop the opportunity. I'm disguested by Bill Watters' behaviour. If you've ever heard his radio show, you'll notice he's just as pompous there as he was last night. This guy is the king of misery, the eternal pessimist (which given the leafs the last few years is justifiable) and speaks to others as if his knowledge of hockey is vastly superior to theirs and holds more water (no pun) than theirs. On his radio show he talks to "hockey people" so this attitude is downright rude. Now last night he was either as i said, an asshole and dick for how he treated someone who couldn't continue an interview, or so immensly ignorant he should apply for American citizenship. I go with the former since it is terribly difficult to not notice someone shivering and coughing every third word without some sympathy.

NFL stuff

The Jags in the second half perfected the peyton manning defense. This translates to using a running game clock to keep peyton on the bench. Manning was on the field in the second half for less than 4 minutes! Granted the offense needs to do it's job by making first downs and they were able to do that by running the hell out of the ball on a woeful Indy run defense an then using every second of a 40 second play clock for each play. Point in case, with little time remaining in the 4th quarter (2:36), manning drove his team down the field and got them a touchdown. The Jags defense almost blew the game for them, lucky they have a kicker that can make a 51 yard try.

I think I can tell you what is happening in Big Ben's head right now, starting from last summer until Sunday's Eagles loss.

BEN: Please sign Faneca. I don't care what he wants sign him. He's the only person on the line that can block.

MGMT: How much money did we make today? Wow that's alot! let's go to the racetrack. Oh Ben, hi, did you need something?

BEN: Yes damnnit. Sign Faneca or I'm going to get injured and Byron Leftwich will end up being your starting quarterback. Really sign, him, do whatever it takes. PLEASE!

MGMT: We have leftwich? Wow! Wait sign who?

BEN: FANECA YOU RETARDED HANDFUL OF PEBBLES! You know, pro bowl guard, the guy who helped achieve a perfect passer rating, contributes to my not eating the turf every week. The guy you drafted 26th overall, who has been here for ten years, has helped you win a superbowl, made willie parker into a star and is consistently chosen by fans as of the best ever to put on this uniform.

MGMT: Calm down Ben. Now look see here. We make lots of money. The way for us to make more money is to not pay this (consulting with suits)...Faneca person some money. We need money to make bets at the racetrack and with this ownership situtation, we may need to make more bets. This (consulting with suits)...Faneca can disappear as far as I care. Wait we won a Superbowl? WOW! That's fantastic. Great news Ben, keep up the good work.

BEN: Where's the hell did I leave my motorcycle keys, I think I need to go for another ride without a helmet.

MGMT: Great! Wish you all the best Ben.

fast forward to Philly Game

Philly sacks Ben 8 times, re-injuring his left shoulder and causing a throwing arm injury.

Sack 1: BEN: FUCK!

MGMT: huh what...there's a football game on? What we're losing?

Sack 2-8: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK MOTERFUCK FUCK. OW!

MGMT: Leftwich plays for us? Wow great news! We won't miss a beat now that Ben might be hurt.

Leftwich gets sacked for the philly defence's ninth sack of the game.

MGMT: hmmm...looks like we need a centre...let's draft one next year (suits nod vigorously)

See, i told you i had psychic powers.

In Brett Favre news, the Madden curse seems to alive and kicking with a vengeance. Aside from the first game where they played a weak Miami team (maybe not so weak after this past weekend), Favre has looked like a sack of dirt. Granted, 30 days with a new team is not enough to know the wives names of you o-line let alone a brand new 400 page playbook. But then whose fault is that? Favre is throwing to imaginary receivers, is not adjusting to the receiver play on the field is looks desperate when he makes a deep throw. It's as if he is thinking his repuation is at stak on gettting the deep ball for a score and cementing is legend status. You know what he's right. His legend is at stake because instead of retiring after a good season, he came back to a team that is followed by the New York City Media, without learning a playbook and every game he looks older and older and none the wiser. This is what happens when the only training you do in the offseason is calling press conferences instead of lifting, conditioning and LEARNING A PLAYBOOK. Favre does have some time to adjust, but it better be quick and he better learn fast otherwise, cause the Bills are running away with the division and the AFC is much tougher than the Jets for a wildcard spot. I did notice that as the game wore on, Favre started to use the BLUE 58 snap count. Aaron Rodgers has been using this snap this season. Perhaps the Jets need to adjust to Favre then, and let him run a Packer offense for the season for any hope at success?

Thank God Philly's defence stood up. Bravo. Bravo to the D-coordinator for the blitzes. This is where that defense excels, at blitzing from different angles, stopping the run and putting a Qb under duress. They are built for that type of game. I also hope Westbrook is ok, because as much as we need McNabb, we need Westbrook twice as much. He is the ofensive focal point, all schemes both offensive and opposing defensive revolve around him and his abilities to exploit and break the game open from numerous sets and positions. That being said, I really really really hope McNabb stays healthylonger than it takes for me to finish this sentence Not only is Kolb not ready to lead this team, McNabb is a personal favourite and he is as injury prone as a Bagdhad resident.

ok, c'est tout. Ciao

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

"this has been a sports report from the free city."

Greetings.

At work today...so far very slow day. As of this moment 6 hours to go and last night I decided that if I was faced with a long stretch of time at work today I would post something about myself. This then is a variation on all those e-mails that ask you questions about yourself like do your wear boxers or briefs, do you prefer long walks or drives blah blah blah. I'm going to change this a bit and list a top 50 favourite things. Now I'm starting with a presumed goal of 50 though this could get out of hand real quick and it might end up being 264 or something like that. Some of the questions i already posed to myself last night, others i will just pose to myself as I go along, so yes this will be a meandering rambling post that is surely going to stall at points while i digress on topics.

Before i start however, i have a new nickname for the duration of my ankle injury. I was going between hop-along, hoppity and even Dr. House. I've settled on a moniker bequeathed to me by the mrs. so for the immediate future i will now be hobbles. Hobbles Hashmani. It rocks yo.

And begin...

1. Favourite Band - Nirvana
2. Favourite Band other than Nirvana - Toss up between Pearl Jam & Radiohead
3. Favourite Sports Team - Toronto Maple Laughs I MEAN LEAFS!!! (i joke, i kid)
4. Favourite Toronto Borough - The Mighty East York
5. Favourite City other than hometown - Ville Marie more commonly know as Montréal
6. Favourite Restaurant - Another Toss up -> Morty's Pub in Waterloo, The Yellow Griffin Pub in West Toronto (Etobicoke) and L'Avenue in Montréal
7. Favourite Food - Suicide Wings
8. Favourite Beverage - Toronto tap water, water in general
9. Favourite Beer - Bottle = Molson Dry, Pint = Waterloo Dark
10. Favourite Alcoholic Beverage - Scotch (Red wine a close second)
11. Favourite Kitchen Appliance - Coffee Press
12. Favourite Caffeinated Drink - Coffee, strong coffee taken black
13. Favourite fruit - Apple
14. Favourite Vegetable - Pickle
15. Favourite 3 topping pizza - Banana peppers, pineapple and green olives
16. Favourite 2 slice bread sandwich - peanut butter and pickles (see told you i'm crazy)
17. Favourite Song - After much deliberation on this one and if at gunpoint I was asked to name one song, it would have be yellow ledbetter. No song I think has meant more to me when i think about it. I quote the song incessantly, lines from it constantly march through my head, I hear the drum fills, the guitar solos all the time. A lot of my outlook on life was shaped by the lyrics (or at least the accepted transcription of the lyrics) and the little moments in the song like when Eddie says "make me cry" and the guitar solo kicks in or when he says "on a weekend i wanna wish it all away" stick to my insides something beautiful. The little falsetto Eddie does at the end when he sings "I don't wanna stay" circles in my brain all the time. It is one of those rare pieces of art you wish you had truly done yourself and are a little jealous of. I wish I had wrote that so bad and yet I'm so happy I've heard that song. Just real pretty and real sad, the way I like my music. Damnnit now it got stuck in my head again, though this isn't a bad thing.
18. Favourite Instrument - Toss up between electric guitar and the violin...nothing breaks me like long sustained notes from either of the instruments.
19. Favourite Movie - Waking Life
20. Favourite Animated Movie - without counting waking life, South Park
21. Favourite Street - Victoria Park
22. Favourite Bus Route - 34 Eglinton East from Eglinton to Kennedy or Kennedy to Eglinton
23. Favourite Streetcar route - 504 King Car
24. Favourite Book - Toss up again --> One Hundred Years of Solitude, Midnight's Children, The Catcher in the Rye, 1984, l'étranger, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, The Grapes of Wrath
25. Favourite Poet - Toss Up between Walt Whitman and W.B. Yeats
26. Favourite Poem - The Moving Finger by Omar Khyyam
27. Favourite Rapper - All Time = Biggie Smalls, Current = K'naan
28. Favourite Video Game System - Xbox 360
29. Favourite Daily Newspaper - The Toronto Star
30. Favourite Clothing Apparel - Once upon a long time ago I would have said jeans. I love jeans, but lately over I guess the last few years I love hats. Love 'Em. Even though I have long hair and some hats look crazystupid on me, I still dig hats. So I would have to say hats are my favourite apparel, with my blue Timberland fishing cap and my Toronto Maple Leaf pompom toque taking top honours.
31. Favourite High School Subject - English
32. Favourite University Course - Toss up between Race and English Literature with Dr. Easton and Post Colonial Literature 1&2 with Dr. Smyth
33. Favourite Footwear - Sandals or my Homer Simpson slippers
34. Favourite Upper Body Clothing - Hoodie
35. Favourite time of day - Twilight/dusk
36. Favourite Season - Fall
37. Favourite sound - Rain
38. Favourite whim of Mother Nature - Thunderstorms
39. Favourite video game - There are many so by category then: Sports = NHL 94/09, RPG = Kingdom Hearts, Fighting = Marvel Vs. Street Fighter, FPS = Gears of War, Puzzle = Lumines PSP, Racing = Cruisin' USA arcade, Sandbox = GTA IV, Platform = SuperMario3 & Sonic The Hedgehog 2, Beat 'Em Up = TMNT arcade
40. Favourite type of food - whatever western/canadian/american is...y'know things like hamburgers, hot dogs, simple pasta's with meat sauce, pizza etc...
41. Favourite Bar - Morty's Pub
42. Favourite walking spot - Anywhere on the Bruce Trail
43. Favourite city/town/hamlet/settlement in Ontario not named Toronto - Goderich
44. Favourite play - Hamlet by Shakespeare & Endgame by Samuel Beckett
45. Favourite Commercial Pizza Chain - Pizza Hut hands down
46. Favourite Pizza - Deep Dish Pizza from PIzzeria Uno in Chicago
47. Favourite Concert - Toss up between Pearl Jam @ the ACC all those years ago (is this crazy mary jason?) and the Roots at the Guvernment
48. Favourite Vice - Smoking
49. Favourite Number(s) - 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 & 42 (wink wink)...if forced to choose one number then 15. Or 6.
50. Favourite trilogy - The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy trilogy of 5 (narrowly beating out the Matrix trilogy)
51. Favourite TV show - All time = The Simpsons, Current = Lost
52. Favourite TV character - Animated = Bart Simpson, Live = Sawyer from Lost, Marlo Stanfield, Stringer Bell, Avon Barksdale & Omar Little from The Wire
53. Favourite Soda Pop - Dr. Pepper
54. Favourite Chocolate/Candy Bar - Skor
55. Favourite Chips - Hostess Ketchup or PC Buffalo Wings & Blue Cheese
56. Favourite Ninja Turtle - Michaelangelo
57. Favourite Ghost Buster - Egon
58. Favourite Charity - Aga Khan Foundation
59. Favourite Cuss Word - Fuck
60. Favourite Accessory - Wedding Ring
61. Favourite Album Title - Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness
62. Favourite Non Maple Sport to Watch on TV - NFL Football
63. Favourite Sports Position - Quarterback
64. Favourite EPL team - Arsenal
65. Favourite Sleep Aid - My Baby Blanket...yes i still have, yes i still use it, no i don't care
66. Favourite Over the Counter Medicine - NeoCitron (tea for sick people, close second is any variation of Robaxacet)
67. Favourite News Show - CBC Newsworld
68. Favourite Girl Part - Breasts hands down. Nice Legs too are wicked
69. Favourite personal feature - My hair. It so rocks. Glorious in fact.
70. Favourite prayer - Nadi Ali
71. Favourite Ginan - Maal Khajeena Bohotaj Bhareeyaa
72. Favourite Hymn - Amazing Grace
73. Favourite Skyline - Toronto, duh
74. Favourite Radio Station - The Fan590
75. Favourite Classical Composer - Chopin
76. Favourite Highway - DVP/Gardiner...now when there is little or flowing traffic, there is nothing like the turns, bends and winding portions of the parkway/expressway. It's fun to drive, to take the corners and come up on the city as it just pops up and stretches out before you. Fucking cool.
77. Favourite Toy from youth - Transformers Command Centre
78. Favourite Colour - not a colour guy, i like shades and black is the favourite. If forced to pick a colour then electric blue.
79. Favourite friend - Wife and Brother (see how i try to trick myself and get me into trouble...oh Hobbles you severely strange man)
80. Favourite Tea - Chai
81. Favourite Mall - Scarborough Town Centre
82. Favourite Commercial Bookstore - Indigo/Chapters @ Yonge/Eglinton
83. Favourite Used Bookstore - BMV @ Yonge/Eglinton & Seekers Used Books 509 Bloor Street West (Bloor & Bathurst)
84. Favourite Actor - Ed Norton (close second would be Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington & Brad Pitt)
85. Favourite Director - Quentin Tarantino & Richard Linklater
86. Favourite Actress - Keira Knightley
87. Favourite Star Wars Character - R2D2
88. Favourite Cinema - Beaches Theatre
89. Favourite Stage - Soulpepper
90. Favourite OLGC game - ProLine Pro Picks
91. Favourite Type of Red Wine - Shiraz
92. Favourite Type of White Wine - Pinot Grigot
93. Favourite Stand Up Comedy - Eddie Murphy Delirious
94. Favourite Comedian - Dave Chappelle...his body of work holds up well better than anyone else's and he is consistently pee your pants funny.
95. Favourite Comic - Sandman Series (Preacher is a very very close second is this might very well become interchangeable in the coming years)
96. Favourite Comic Character - Marvel = Gambit DC = Morpheus of Dream, Cassidy and Jesse Custer
97. Favourite Fast Food - I don't eat fast food other than subway, mr.sub and popeyes. But if forced to choose I would say Burger King because there really is nothing like a well made whopper with cheese or their chicken sandwiches.
98. Favourite Fast Food Side - Old School McDonalds Fries with enough salt to create a replica of Lot's wife (remember when they used to actually salt the fries???) and a buttermilk biscuit from popeyes.
99. Favourite Toronto Park - Sunnybrook
100. Favourite Grocery Store - Sobey's in Waterloo @ Columbia & Fischer-Hallman
101. Favourite Sports Logo - Old Toronto Maple Leaf insignia, the 36 point leaf
102. Favourite Harry Potter Movie - Azkaban
103. Favourite Lord of the Rings Movie - Two Towers
104. Favourite Canadian band - If K'naan and his posse doesn't count then Arcade Fire
105. Favourite Musical Artist not named Kurt Cobain - Bob Marley
106. Favourite Comic Villain - Marvel = Magneto DC = Saint of Killers
107. Favourite Bird - Phoenix
108. Favourite Bird that actually exists (or existed without mythological emphasis) - Hawk
109. Favourite Animal - Liger...it's pretty much my favourite animal and just might have skills in magic. Seriously, yes a liger would be my favourite even though i have never see one.
110. favourite of the 5 senses - sight
111. Favourite hobby - All Time = Reading Current = stealing souls
112. Favourite sandwich topping - Mayonaise
113. Favourite Salad Dressing - Blue Cheese
114. Favourite Play -by - Play Announcer - Jim Hughson
115. Favourite Online Retailer - Amazon.ca BUT mostly their used book/media section where amazon acts as broker and you buy directly from other people.
116. Favourite clothing on a girl - Skirt (close second is a Tank Top & also now that i think of it a really well filled out sweater)
117. Favourite Cologne - Burberry
118. Favourite juice - Carrot and also StrawberryMango from middle eastern restaurants
119. Favourite Shwarma place - Maroush in downtown ottawa and Mubarak in London, ont
120. Favourite Gyro - Square boy or Messini's
121. Favourite Board Game - Chess
122. Favourite Political Philosophy - Du Contract Social & of the course The Communist Manifesto
123. Favourite of the 99 names - Al Muqtadir
124. Favourite Brand - Johnny Walker
125. Favourite Cover - Where Did You Sleep Last Night
126. Favourite Nickname - Scatterbrain Saff
127. Favourite Comic Strip - Toss up between Calvin & Hobbes and The Boondocks
128. Favourite Accent - British
129. Favourite Language - Le French

So there you have it kids, those are some of my favourite things. Don't you feel enlightened and like you know me, the great Genie-S better? Well i hope you do. I certainly learned something today, which is mostly that a 9:30 to 6 shift really sucks on a Saturday but is made bearable knowing i wrote a meandering blog post on the public dime. Cheers to me.

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s a.k.a Hobbles

"This has been a retrieved consumer survey from within the free city"

in between my thoughts and the hue

Alright kids, here is the new deal...

Sunday, I received another favour from the universe i call home. High ankle sprain, rolled both inside and outside left ankle. Typically a 4-6 recovery, or 6-10 weeks depending on severity. Based on the conditions, looks like the latter since it seems like a 2nd degree sprain. Good news: no fracture detected. Bad news: in addition to the back i am now out with a foot (in john madden speak). Thus continues the wonderful Hashmani year of good health and good cheer, sprawling back to last november when the new mrs. broke the arm and has continued to now and this new set of (mis)fortune. All told I am doing well, I hurt but that has just become the incumbent physical response of the last year so we move and deal with it. I'd be lying if I said i didn't feel sorry for myself (a little), despondent (for a bit), angry (usual scenario from yours truly) and exasperated (tiring doesn't even explain this whole parade). Things happen though, for better or worse, they occur. You respond. If the defense if playing you tight, take what it gives you and open it up until they play you honestly. Apologies for the sports analogies, but hey this is me, expect any less?

Didn't think so.

So wait and see is the game again. Patience beyond measure is called for and again an opportunity arises to make myself better through the relentess tearing apart of my expectations forcing me and mine to make adjustments. All cool though, this is how we learn and how we respond to ourselves and others in times we perceive as difficult will define our character and strength. The Hemingway hero is a good way to go. Grace under pressure, dignity under duress. I am grateful for the chance and happy i didn't break anything or that the severity isn't worse.

quick NFL thoughts...

Young QB's on fire: Rivers, Rodgers, Cutler. Looking spectacular. I know the chargers haven't won a game yet, but that last one was straight thievery by the refs and hell i hate san diego but i will afford them that respect.

Thing is with these quarterback's is this: They all came in as young guns, highly touted. They however each came into situations where other QB's were veterans and performing well so they had to ride the pine and play with the 2nd team. In this regard they had to do more strength and conditioning and practice drills the QB 1 normally wouldn't expend to much time on as it might impact gameday ability. So now these kids are throwing bombs, showing incredible maturity and react abilities and are able to read defenses better than say Alex Smith, Vince Young, Matt Leinart and Tavaris Jackson. In that latter group you have two national champion QB's (leinart and young) and a Heisman winner (leinart). Yet they haven't transitioned to elite QB status yet or even mediocre QB status yet. Sure some of the young QB's play for better teams but Vince Young plays on a team with a killer defense, Leinart has two pro bowl calibre receivers to play catch with and Smith has a monster TE adn a running back that is scary good. Jackson has Adrian Peterson, a back that rushing 150+ ypg so far and he can't convert that to a win yet. Lesson? LET THE KIDS LEARN HOW TO PLAY NFL FOOTBALL and LEARN HOW TO BE MEN before you toss them to the wolves.

The philly-dallas game was sick. LIKE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! McNabb made some key errors, but has shown he is back and when his top two receivers come back, then the NFC EAST is toast. I am however worried about the 2nd half run defense of Philly which was not able to contain marion barber and their secondary which couldn't cover wheelchair football receivers if they were asked to. I mean seriously, that secondary got torched something awful and it was a shame to watch. Putting a 36 year old Dawkins single coverage on T.O. was a coaching move that is suspect. The man is a run defense safety and using him to cover one of the best receivers to ever play the game is shady at best. Plus double covering Owens led to Jason Witten exploting the middle all night and he had a sprained shoulder! That defense needs to shore up fast and at least they have 15 more weeks to do so.

Indy was lucky to win that game. Manning looks like a shell of his former self after the snap. Their running game had better get better, learn how to extend the defense and their O-line has to be able to block something other than air for them to do anything this year. Bob Sanders is now out 4-6 with a high ankle sprain though he hasn't played a full season in the last 4 years so that was just a ticking time bomb. Can't wait for Sunday.

God I love football.

Last but not least Election stuff...

Chretien would never let this happen. He would fight. He might fight in a language no Canadian could understand but we wold all appreciate the spunk. I blame this current fiasco on the Paul Martin camp for basically handing the country to the conservatives with a cherry on top. Chretien scared Canadians of Harper and won a majority against him. Since then Professor Poop has done nothing but stutter his way into mid-september with a game plan that wouldn't win him a spot on the PTA.

I also throw blame on Jack Layton. He helped the conservatives get power by voting to dissolve the Martin minority and has basically given us this pseudo-dictatorship that consistently uses the "confidence" vote to pass ticky-tack, absurd and harmful long term legislation that is contrary to the spirit of this country. The politics of fear, VOTE OCT.14 for the best halloween costume for Prime Minister.

Once again i'm teetering between not voting and voting. I usually end up voting but I am still spouting the never tired slogan "don't vote. it only encourages them." I'll let you know what i'm doing when i figure it out even if it is election night.

Finally on the whole election thing, how is is Elizabeth May joining the debates a triumph for democracy? Because her party is running candidates in every riding? SO WHAT?!?! If the marijuana party did that it would be irresponsible for them to be in the debates. Same with the communist party. I believe that in order to participate in the debates you need to have some parlimentary standing and one seat in parliment doesn't measure up. Until the greens can make serious inroads with the Canadian people and until they can represent a fair total, they should not be involved in the debates. This is not a triumph of democracy but rather a triumph of childish squabbling and yelling. Hell the only reason the bloc remain in the debates is because they represent the 2nd largest province and at one time were her majesty's loyal opposition. But if their support erodes, they shouldn't be allowed to debate either seeing as they only run candidates in the Q and small segments of Frano-Ontario & Acadia. Shame on anyone who thinks this is a glorious victory for democracy rather than a bullshit sleight of hand by the liberals and greens to make googly eyes at each other on national tv.

anyways enough of that. Glad to be back typing and writing. Drop me a line folks (waljee/nerf looking in your sand infested direction) to say how things are...

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

"This has been another broadcast from the Free City. Tune in next time for more of the same"

Updates from the Land of Back Pain

quick update on the back.

saw a spinal surgeon/orthapaedic specialist on tuesday after waiting two months for this referral appointment (no i'm not bitter)...they still can't figure out what is wrong and have ordered more tests for me...namely another MRI (with contrast dye this time), more blood work and a TB test. Now I HAD an MRI in June, and i thought it was with contrast dye since i sucked down a whole bottle of orange popsicle tasting liquid the night before the test. I also had blood work done in May of which the same is being ordered again. Haven't had the TB test. I'm wondering then why was i referred to one doctor in early May only to get tests ordered by him, him read the results and then refer to another doctor (much younger than the previous doctor who informed me he no longer performs surgery) so i could wait 2 months and get referred for most of the same tests again! (see i'm not bitter).

So the first specialist gets to bill the province for my visit, then bill the province for my referral...ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the capitalisation of universal health care...if there is profit to be found it always will make itself visible to those who care to search it out.

Other than that though the MRI wait should be shorter this time since it will be at ScarGen which does 24/7 scans as opposed to ScarCentenarry which only does up to 11 pm scans and is part of rouge river which serves the nuclear holocaust we lovingly call Pickering.

Generally, I'm feeling more upbeat (yes it is hard to tell, i'm a very curmudgeonly young man), and learning to take things day by day, moment by moment and stop letting this whole ordeal govern my physical and emotional responses to the world. I have a wunderbar wife who makes it easier, a family that does much of the worrying for me and inexplicable still unconditionally loves me, and friends who still have their hearing to listen to me after all my ranting raving rambunctious regards. This makes things OK. I believe in tests in life (perhaps this makes it easier) adn so far this has been quite the test. I'm feeling better than i did in December, better than in May, better than in June, so perhaps patience is the key to my limited sanity. Physically there is much i want to do, excercise with weights being the foremost, learning how to jog the second, but when i get their it will be sweeter (i keep telling myself this) because i will have earned it through patience and misfortune. Right now this works for me. I've been upset and angry about this for too long and my mental health is now much more important to me. I'd rather be happy and try to live rather than want to live a specific way. Adjustments at the line ar key to a quarterback's success in this league. As long as i can identify the blitz (in this case an ego driven mind that increasingly wants wallow in misery) i can shift the line, audible the next course of action and try to hit my targets. It won't always work but it seems like a much healthier approach than throwing mental tantrums and feeling sorry for myself.

i can walk, i can sleep, i have a good life, one so far i can be proud of. I have good peoples and many people do not have my fortune. Do i wish things were different, sure, i'd be lying if i said i wish i wasn't better and i really want to hurt because it makes me stronger. I'm not an idiot, pain sucks plain and simple, it is not something people wish upon themselves for shits and giggles..most people. Do i regret how it happened that fateful december afternoon? no i don't, i would do it all again cause i did what i thought was right. That matters. I can either accept the process and move on or bitch until i'm hoarse and still be where i am. I'll choose the former from now since it has the least negative impact on my mental ability to be happy. Sure i'll probably complain about it now and then, its hard not to, but overall acceptance is the key to transcendence n'est pas?

You can file all this post under some hokey new age spiritual philosphy, i'm cool with that...but isn't this what we are taught? not just acceptance and moving one but acceptance and deliberation, acceptance and determination.

wish me luck kiddos, it ain't easy but nothing worth its salt ever is.

peace, love, freedom, justice

-

this message has been retrieved from a casualty within the borders of the free city.

'Merican Week 1

Glad the NFL has started again and I can go back to watching real football. Not that Canadian isn't real football but for me it doesn't fit with the picture i have for the american game. When i was younger i was all things nationalist and preferred the canuck game to the yank offering and was content...until i started to pay attention to the details.

And details cher amis is what it comes down to. Aside from the obvious down rules, kick point rules, motion rules, ball size and field size there is something many canadians either don't get or don't care about, namely that the american game can be broken down into an evolving analogy of american war. Now if you don't get that or don't care, cool, i respect that. I respect that the CFL is a historic enterprise and a part of our heritage, especially in smaller communities where football still matters. In toronto it doesn't. Recently I heard that VPCI (WHAT WHAT!) scrapped their football program for cricket!!! Toronto is an evolving city which unless you live in the suburbs or go to white schools, has not need for Canadian football anymore or football unless it is the futbol brand.

The american war thing fascinates me. Football strategy is tantamount to both the Canadian and American games, but with the american game being so clock oriented it becomes a much more patient game (unless you have to sit through something like 4 hours of commercials on any given armchair sunday). The american game takes precision, it is a athlectic ballet fueled by intense micromanagement of personnel and time. In american you have to play the clock far more often than the cfl, and i like that. It adds intrigue to the game, makes each play important, each stoppage important and each run and catch important. once you begin to understand the american game there is only one other game that flows as precisely and poignantly and that is its namesake - european football. In fact the case could be made that european is an analogy for european versions of warfare, is just as athletically poetic and is as much about clock management and micromanagement as football. There are differences but both the american and european are blessed by being precise expressions of maneuver and precise executions of tactic. Precision is why i choose the american game and is only one of a handful of things that i prefer american over the any other goddamn thing.

that being said, here are some thoughts on week 1.

1. Eli manning looked good in the first half and then suddenly turned into eli manning in the second half and played terribly. This is good news for me since the giants are in the eagles division and if eli sucks, more hope for my iggles. Giants defense also looked real good but it could also be that the redskins offensive line was real bad. So far the giants replacements look sharp but still 15 games to go.

2. EAGLES EAGLES EAGLES. Watch out NFC east and the whole NFC. After some shaky initial defense the eagles D looked proper although they did give up some big runs and their linebacker situation needs to improve. On offense, the D train picked the st. louis secondary, middle and well the whole defensive staff like he was playing against a jayvee team. I couldn't stop bounching up and down, it was awesome. The O-line held up and donovan showed his skills avoiding the rush and slinking out of trouble a few times. Can't wait until the superbowl when my IGGLES trounce whomever they play.

3. Shame for Tom Brady. At least he can get comfort time with gisele. Seriously though it sucks that Brady might be done for the season. He's a superb qb and losing a talent like that hurts the NFL and all football fans. Not being able to see the best play and perform is always a loss. here's hoping he's ok and that it doesn't mess him up for the rest of his career 'cause until yesterday he still had about 8-10 years left. Side Note: I would bring in daunte culpepper to try his hand with this offense. He has played with Moss to raving acclaim before and could duplicate seeing how strong the pats team is. He might just show us why he was once in the upper echelons of qb's in the NFL. Bringing in Simms and Rattay to QB seems dumb and i suspect that the hit on Brady rattled everyone's thinking capabilities if this is the route they take. Side Note pt.2 - I had a dream about Tom Brady (i know this football obsession is officially out of hand) and in it he died from injuries sustained. Seeing as this was a knee injury i should have clued in that i was dreaming and attempted to become lucid. I didn't, but i do remember being really upset in the dream, almost crying (i'm a colts fan in addition to the eagles so this is odd) and my brother and a co-worker barry were also upset. We came to the conclusion in the dream that even if you don't like the player, having competition, especially elite competition is why Tom Brady is a great player to watch. This season will be muted by his absence.

4. The bears D is back and showed force on yankee national television last night. Do they ever have an axe to grind. Granted the Colt o-line is mush without Jeff Saturday, the defense was still killer and forced a fumble on #88 to take the game out of contention. I'm beginning to wonder if #88 is alright with these fumbles. Peyton to me looked fine, a little hesitant on the throws but he'll get back the groove shortly. The Brady thing might have played a factor on his slight conservativeness last night. Look for the Colts to bounce back. I still have them taking the AFC south and the AFC.

San Diego and Carolina was a great game. Merriman is a beast and all those steroids and growth hormones must have seriously helped his wolverine factor cause the psycho is playing on two torn ligaments in one of his knees. Slightly torn or not, that would still hurt and good on him for trying. The defenses on both teams looked great and when carolina gets steve smith back on offense they will be a threat. San diego will also bounce back but Tomlinson since last year has started to look like he is wearing down to me and seems to get in the groove late in games More often these days. Better late than never but i would be worried especially after the day michael turner had yesterday. Also the last play of this game has so far been the best moment of the opening week hands down. This is why sports is the best reality tv that is offered today and always will be. Kudos to Jake the man and for his ragin cajun' brilliance. Looking forward to seeing more of that this year.

The Toronto Bills looked wickedcool against a good seattle team...good for them we deserve good football in Toronto when it comes here.

Well that's all for now, looking forward to the monday nighters and next week when the eagles beat the cowboys 55-12 on national television.

yeah i said it.

This has been a message from a free citizen of the free city.

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

Checkin' In

Waldo/Nerf - Greetings from the free city

(yes you are one entity now, one being, one sentient thing...welcome to marriage)here is the new blog. Lets see if this promise can be kept Waldo and we'll go from there. You know me, I'm fickle, have ADD and I coddle mind that simply cannot accept the possibility that a finish line exists (see another saffian run-on sentence). The future hasn't happened so instead of worrying about what might conceivably happen (based on strong empirical and circumstantial evidence of capricious sloth) i'll try to be present and focus on each moment, moment to moment.

Got your e-mail concerning the sand dunes and the living arrangements. Sounds fabulous. One problem however is how do you ever come back to the city and move into a 675 sq ft apartment that costs more than 200,000 canuck bucks? I fear we may never have the grace of your long term presence in our fair town again. You may be here a short while, but long term perhaps not.

Then again, you may miss the allure of family friends and living in a throbbing, breathing metropolis, second to no place. You may miss the swagger, tepid bravado and charm that toronto enchants its citizens with. Mostly though is there anything like a toronto night, regardless of the weather? How the city feels, moves and sighs? How shadows dance the night and every breeze, every inch of sun tries so hard to assert itself on the city stage. Every city is different and every city adopts a unique persona under the cover of night, but magic my dear waldo and nerf (separated you for a moment) pushes through this city and its bones like nothing else. Only torontonians can understand this, and for that we are kindred.

Other than that I wanted to say hi, pass my love onwards and outwards towards the middle east and say we miss you. I'm still mad y'all left but as i keep saying, I understand and applaud the decision. This past weekend ems and I went to a friends cottage out by kawartha lakes on lake catchacoma (great name for a place you can drown eh?). Its been awhile but i really forgot how quiet life can be. How still the earth can feel yet how full of life this makes it seem. Even though I was expecting to see stars and be awed, I was blown away on the nights we could see them. how many there were! How far they stretched! how many more there were that we couldn't see. Looking at the milky way and see all that universal history sparkling before my eyes was mesmerizing. I couldn't stop staring, couldn't help but be humbled, couldn't help but try to reach out and see if i could touch the sky. It's always worth a try to do so isn't it? So close but so far? reverse that. So far yet so close. I like that better. I like the belief that universe and all the knowledge and heartbeats it guards is attainable. I want to be conscious, I want to feel god. The answer lies in the stars. So wherever in the world you are waldo/nerf, look at the sky tonight and i'll look at my version and we can meet in between the past and the future and have some time to ourselves.

Take care you too, catch up more soon.

reporting live from the free city,

Sarfaraz Hashmani (peace, love, freedom & justice as always)