Belatedness

first and foremost, happy birthday (belated) to our dear dear elf nafeesa...lil' sprite, I hope you had a great fun day and many many more for many many years to come. Now I know your birthday was friday, I tried calling but that damn robot woman keeps making me feel as if i've lost my mind (more so than the normal loss i've accumulated and come to terms with). Tell her I hate her. I'm glad I actually got to sing Happy Birthday on the phone to you yesterday, that rocked almost as hard as I rock on a daily basis. Which is an extraordinary amount, so consider yourself privileged to the utmost (multiplied by power of amazing) in terms of awesomeness from yours truly. Waljee you missed out on greatness. See what happens when you sleep? cousin of death kid!

Jay, thanks for the e-mail, and I'm glad y'all are still reading this thing when I send out notifications...makes this silly chap here feel like he matters an iota in this vast conflagration of iotas. I've kept up the running but sometimes my shins feel awful and my left knee hurts a bit though i've chalked it up once again to pains from under-use and now actual use my legs. I'm running through it but know that if it hurts bad enough i will stop. I also know that without sweat and pain nothing grand ever really gets achieved (even if it is the sweat and pain of others, as long as it is expended) so you push until you break then try again when all the king's men and king's horses gallop the fuck by and you realize you have to pick your damn self up.

cheery aren't I? yeah a real box of fucking sunshine is this Sarfesian mess.

actually i'm pretty happy but i reserve all rights to my cynicism, malaise and anti-establishmentering (and all my ensuing hypocrisy). If i didn't how would I exist as this version of myself on this specific plane of existence? Hell it's defined me for 26 years and by all indications will define me for the next 26. And I'm fine with that, have come to terms with the fact that I am as happy as my anger so long as i direct it appropriately. These things are intertwined dear friends, a pleasant saff is nothing more than swirling of dust wrapped in a figment of imagination.

I turn 27 soon. Big age. At least for me. 27 club and all that music that chemically altered the latent nuances in my body, which eventually shaped my perceptions of my singular and partnered existences. When I was stupidly young (rather than youngly stupid as now) I thought I would commit suicide on my 27th. Real dumb. Way to stay classy saff. But I really thought so, mostly because I was so absorbed in my own pity, self loathing and in a perverse way self infatuation. I wanted like hell to be Kurt, but mostly I just wanted to yell and be a centre of attention. In fairness when you are that young everything that seems insignificant in hindsight is so fucking momentous at such a transitory and precipitous age like 13 - 19. Every little hurt gets wildly overblown, every slight seems fall from eden transgression. Every nice thing though, every smile and every joy is magnified as well, and every happiness explodes from you in a charged unbridled mess of teenage conviction. So when I felt bad at one point I thought my death would make me somewhat triumphant over everything that bothered me, would vindicate me and would be heroic in some way.

See i told you it was real dumb. Understandable, but real dumb. I wouldn't change it but I understand it better now and knowing how much better life gets and how much harder you kinda wish you channeled that energy into something a little more worthy than self-pity. Things are much harder now but if it wasn't hard it would take the fun right out of living, something you completely miss out on when you are too young to see life past the weekend.

Tangent: Jay I have a question...since you run and play the foot, how do you deal with the shins and the knees and the soreness??? i know the icing but any other tips a seasoned pro can give would be appreciated muchly and greatly...and anyone else who has advice, i'm always listening....

to that tune as always i hope to write more but by the time i get home i just want to run and chill, read, eat and hang with the wiz...my eyes are fried from computering all day at work and blogging when i get home just is fatiguing to even think about...

i try at work but we've been busy of late with data entry that the processing centres have downloaded onto the "slower" offices. So yeah my eyes hurt and us being busy with data entry sucks not just for the fact that I have something mindless I have to do but because it means that the outside world sucks even more, people are losing their jobs like its the new pastime and seeing so much worry and so much hardship in such a prosperous place as this country is heavy on the heart at times. Which then forces my active little mind into thinking if it is this bad here what about other places and then I get more heartsick and the anger returns and i have to learn how to direct it properly like a cyclops optic blast otherwise i might do something or say something along the lines of an unforgivable curse. Christ this world is hard one sometimes but as always lucky is how i feel for the love I have and the love I get to give away. It is worth it all and no time like now to tell you all I love you all much and much and am blessed to be with you and by you whenever and forever. Thanks for the continued support, friendships and dialogues.

to those who asked, nerf and waldo are fine, they still rule but waljee has started to suck since he doesn't write anymore (nerf informs us that he is "tired" from school and busy as hell...boooooooo...no excuses, just drop a line every now and then and we cool. new deal waldo, blog once more and i'll link to you. aw fuck it i'll link anyway, but please out something up for the new year.

http://waljeesinkuwait.blogspot.com/

read to be up on the waljees and their version of the middle east. thanks nerf and waldo for keffiyeh's. We are wearing them with pride to show our support for our palestinian brothers and sisters.

on the last note here (but not the last piece this band will play), superbowl party at our place on the first of feb, a sunday. Please come over, drink eat, smoke, be merry and watch the cards (boooo) take on the steelers (louder boooo). Take care

peacelovefreedomjustice

-s

"this has been a belated message from the free city."