I Swear This Past Year Has Just Seemed Unreal

It might be melodramatic and unfounded hysteria inside me that I didn’t sleep last night. Just tossed and turned with an unsettled stomach that was perhaps laden with fanciful fear. I so hope to be proven wrong and find that four years from now the Conservative government has had to govern more from the centre than from the right even with the coveted majority. Perhaps having now to ensure that Ontario needs success as much as Alberta will sober any rash decision that affects 11 million people and a large electorate. Yet when I think of the new I have read of Prime Minister Harper since early 2000’s, I am not buoyed or steadied. I am fearful. Not just suspicious but fearful. This is not the kind of Rex Murphy conservatism. By the words and writings of himself and his party members this is a social conservatism as well as it is a fiscal conservatism. The social part is what tenses me. I grew up in a world and in a Canada that had overall progressed towards a socially liberal country. From time to time it would be necessary to becoming fiscally conservative but values such as sharing, peace, community and responsibility to our surroundings were guiding principles for all of us. The Harper Tory’s are admitted supporters of increased policing at a time when crime is down. They have supported the idea the a woman’s body is not hers to decide what to do with and that and that two adults are not able to decide the terms of their intimacy. Last night though what made this the hardest was learning that Canada found a party that was ethically contemptuous, that has muzzled the media and actively pursued keeping information from the public was rewarded with the privilege to govern this beautiful country and the beautiful spirit that has guided her until now. That we have done so at a time when our public and government has condemned is shameful. And that is why I did not sleep easy tonight. Yet that is why, from today forward, the 60% of people who did not give this government it’s mandate ensure that it does not rest either until it works for us as well.

Six Thoughts on the 41st Canadian Federal Election

This government and how it played out could ensure a constitutional crisis in Quebec. Can a federalist party in opposition with a leader representing Toronto defend the French language with MP’s that do not speak French? We must ensure that this vital part of our national psyche and spirit is protected

If the we keep using terms like left, centre and centre left, the next four years will be spent with us fighting while we watch the Harper Tories carve up our country. If we start calling ourselves the progressive vote we can begin a dialogue and consensus while reclaiming the word the Tories have long abandoned

The decline of the bloc only intensifies the Parti Quebecois. This should be a cause for concern for any true federalist and supporter of la langue et culture francaise inside and outside of Quebec

When the Prime Minster says (the day after being elected) that we will protect the “universal system of health insurance” take notice. Currently we have “universal health care” in Canada. Care is something you get, insurance is something you pay for

When 60% of the persons who voted do not actually dictate the government mandate but instead control it’s muzzled opposition, it should be clear regardless of political allegiance, electoral reform is a crucial tool for the survival Canadian democracy

A debate (perhaps split into English and French) within the final two weeks of the election would have served the public far more beneficially then any parliamentary report coming out soon. Even during a snap election, two face to face battles between those vying for the governance of our country is not enough to determine policy or proper opinion

Oh what a day and perhaps it must be uttered, what a life so far. I have entered the last year of my twenties, yesterday I celebrated my 29th new year of life, I am one year before 30. Many things have changed over my entire life while significant changes continue to happen each year. I became a vegetarian, found myself as runner and have generally mad peace with and settled into a life with my great love and bestest of all friends, my dear wife Emily.

So what did I do with my birthday? The sam as most years yet no cheesecake at Futures Bakery this year. Emily took me bookshopping and I got a large haul, 28 books in total.

No superbowl party this year, quiter evening, few people came over, some good cheer, good smoke and good food with a great game and the day and evening were perfect. It snowed, mostly lightly all weekend and it was nice to see snow on my birthday.

In all I look forward to the last year of my twenties, it feels more and more that I am becoming who I am, that I have accepted myself and am ready for the world.

Here are the books I got and will be reading this year:

Mr Funny -Roger Hargreaves

Norweigan Wood - Haruki Murakami

After the Quake - Haruki Murakami

Player Piano - Kurt Vonnegut

Perfume - Patrick Suskind

The Essential Gandhi - Mahatma Gandhi

East, West - Salman Rushdie

On Living and Dying - Jiddu Krishnamurthi

One Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovitch - Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Bloodletting and Other Miraculous Cures - Vincent Lam

A Happy Death - Albert Camus

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

The House of the Dead - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Radio Free Albemuth - Phllip K Dick

The Age of Reason - Jean Paul Satre

Cocksure - Mordecai Richler

The BFG - Roald Dahl

The Pickwick Papers - Charles Dickens

Payback: The Shadow Side of Debt and Wealth - Margaret Atwood

The Upanishads - Swami Prabhavananda

The Plague - Albert Camus

The Moor's Last Sigh - Salman Rushdie

The First Man - Albert Camus

The Wall - Jean Paul Sartre

Introducing Quantum Theory

The Witches - Roald Dahl

Pinocchio - Carlo Collodi

The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins

Bibliophilia 2011!

January

1. Nausea - Jean Paul Sartre

2. The Ethics of Diet: A History of Vegetarian Thought (Abridged) - Howard Williams

3. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami (English Translation [Jay Rubin])

4. Animal Liberation - Peter Singer

5. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: A Memoir - Haruki Murakami

February

1. Mostly Harmless - Douglas Adams *

2. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More - Roald Dahl

3. You 2.0 The Owners Manual - Dr. Michael F. Roizen, Dr Mehmet Oz

4. The Plague - Albert Camus

5. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

6. After the Quake - Haruki Murakami

7. The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins

8.Alan Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking - Alan Carr

March

1. The Moor's Last Sigh - Salman Rushdie

2. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich - Alexander Solzhenitsyn

3. Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami

4. The Essentianal Gandhi (speeches and writings) - Louis Fischer (Editor)

5. The Upanishads (breath of the Eternal) - Swami Prabhavanada (translator) & Frederick Manchester (translator)

6. The Bhagavad Gita - Penguin Classics, Betty Radice (advisory editor)

April

1. Player Piano - Kurt Vonnegut

2. Radio Free Albemuth - Philip K. Dick

3. Perfume - Patrick Suskind

4. Speeches That Changed the World - Various

5. Revenge of the Baby- Sat: A Calvin & Hobbes Collection - Bill Watterson*

6. Voltaire's Bastards: The Dictatorship of Reason in the West - John Ralston Saul

May

1. The BFG - Roald Dahl

2. Death and Dying - Jiddu Krishnamurthi

3. Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures - Vincent Lam

4. East, West - Salman Rushdie

5. Weirdos From Another Planet A Calvin and Hobbes Collection - Bill Watterson*

6. The Human Stain - Philip Roth

7. The Book of Laughter and Forgetting - Milan Kundera

June

1. The Pickwick Papers - Charles Dickens

2. Yukon Ho! A Calvin and Hobbes Collection - Bill Watterson*

3. God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything - Christopher Hitchens

4. The Calvin and Hobbes Lazy Sunday Book: A Collection of Calvin and Hobbes Sunday Cartoons - Bill Watterson*

5. Cocksure - Mordecai Richler

6. The Age of Reason - Jean Paul Sartre

July

1. The Atheist Manifesto: A Case Against Judaism, Christianity amd Islam - Michael Onfray

2. Pinocchio - Carlo Collodi (English Translation)*

3. A Happy Death - Albert Camus

4. Payback, The Shadow Side of Debt - Margaret Atwood

5. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

6. Madame Bovary (english translation) - Gustave Flaubert

7. Who Moved My Cheese - Spencer Johnson M.D.

8. Scientific Progress Goes Boink A Calvin and Hobbes Collection - Bill Watterson


August


1. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari - Robin Sharma
2. The Witches - Roald Dahl*
3. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson
4. The Girl Who Played With Fire - Stieg Larsson
5. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love (short story collection) - Raymond Carver
6. Quantum Theory - A Graphic Guide - J.P McEvoy & Oscar Zarate


September


1. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest - Stieg Larsson
2. The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy
3. Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
4. The Game - Ken Dryden

October


1. FlashForward - Robert J. Sawyer
2. Across the River And Into the Trees - Ernest Hemingway
3. How To Live Safely In A Science Fiction Universe - Charles Yu
4. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon


November


1. The House of the Dead - Fyodor Dostoevsky
2. Life Ahead: On Learning and the Search for Meaning - Jiddu Krishnamurthi
3. Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card
4. Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt

5. Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores The Hidden Side Of Everything - Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner


December


1. Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason - Michel Foucault
2. CBC Massey Lectures: The Unconscious Civilization - John Ralston Saul
3. CBC Massey Lectures: A Race Against Time - Stephen Lewis
4. The Plot Against America - Philip Roth
5. The Invention of Hugo Cabret - Brian Selznick
6. Wonderstruck - Brian Selznick

I am a Runner (400K)

There I said it.

I've been so afraid of identifying for so long, for fear that I will lose that which I identify with that I will be seen as ridiculous, that I am not what I say I am.

I give up on that. It isn't an ego thing, I don't care how I'm seen,
I care about how I see.

I am superstitious though to say I am something than have something happen that takes it away or ruins it or the idea itself falls apart.

I give up on that too. I am not responsible for the outcome, I am only responsible for the moment.

For the moment, I feel like a runner.

Since I properly started tracking my runs on August 30th, I started to get more motivated, more excited, more dedicated to running, to improving myself through running. Any chance I got I craved going for a run. I sought out sweat.

And I began to change. I started to care about running and then I started to care more about myself through my own eyes instead of the perceived eyes of the world around me. I thought of running when I woke up, desperate to come home from work, lace up and scamper off for a run. I went to bed thinking of my run that day or if I hadn't run that day, then thinking of the next time I could run. I thought of ways to overcome rather than allow myself be overcome. I felt like pushing and pushing.

I started running a couple of years ago but would make excuses (too hot or too cold, too tired or too excited, too much pain or not challenging enough) and often shortchanged myself of a run but most importantly shortchanging myself of my own willingness to pursue something, anything, with any modicum of eagerness and desire.

So when I started tracking myself properly I started to care about the pursuit of sweat. It became easier as I saw progress and distance to know I was actually accomplishing something I had wanted to do for so long: running.

Yet I was still scared, embarrassed, shy and self-conscious of calling myself a runner.

Then on Novmber 30th I went over the 400km mark. 3 months, 400 km run.

and that did it. I saw that, saw the distance covered, saw the amount of time spent and days dedicated to running, and I knew.

I am a runner.

I still can't sort out all of my problems, I still haven't fully quit smoking cigarettes or gained the amount of self acceptance and self reliance I know is necessary for me to leap forward, but it is getting there. The desire to run,
to listen to music and feel my feet carry me,
to feel the winter on my skin, to feel the summer in my bones, to breathe spring and fall,
to feel movement over pavement
to see the skyline over the bridge and claim the city
with every drop of sweat and every single step
I am a Runner.

-s

The weather report (free concerts)

Jamming the city for a 45 minute jam, isn't this how all street closures should work?
In the shadow of memory, where fences stood a short while ago
we danced
in the humidity of the day
we danced
we dripped and let our souls free on a wednesday night
in the middle of everything we danced

We walked and talked of many things
how to quit, how to say yes, why no is never possible
the rebellion in our hearts leading us to foolish things
for mere seconds to quiet the sighs and longings of our hearts
we walked along grand streets as the day folded
feeling grand and lovely ourselves
always still striving to answer to ourselves
it is still the city that elicits us,
it is still our city

As long as my eyes are open, I am a witness

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rebelution/sets/72157624375306044/